Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Open Letter To My Friend, The Victim

Any of us can be a victim. Many of us has been a victim. A victim of what? Anything. Recently, I received an email from a woman who had a gun held to her head during a robbery. She had many questions. She was tired of being afraid. She wants to be able to be home alone. She would like to be able to sleep without hearing the sound of hearing the hammer being cocked on the revolver, just as she heard it that morning. Then...I spoke to a friend, a friend who had a very similar experience. The deeper I go into training women for self-defense, the more stories like these I hear. This is my letter to each of you who feel the same way as these ladies:

Dear Victim:

First of all, my friend, I am so sorry that you were hurt. You say that you were made to feel afraid, that you were emotionally, physically, or sexually violated. You say that I can never understand. Fact is, I can. I don't know your specific pain, but I do know my own. I, too, was once a victim....NO LONGER. I choose to live. I refuse to be a victim.

I can't guarantee that no one will ever try to hurt you again. I can't promise that what works for me will work for you. I can NOT tell you how to heal.

I can guarantee that there are others who feel the way that you do, others that you can talk to. I can promise to be here for you and listen to you, hold you, help you when you need to yell, scream, cry or just sit in silence. I can tell you that you are not alone!

Some people think that a gun alone will save their life. I can assure you that they are not correct. If you own a gun that sits empty and locked in a safe or a closet, it will do no more to save your life than the clothes hanging in your closet. You can; however, gain self-confidence, skill, and trust (in yourself and your firearm) by learning to use it. Now I cannot give you any kind of promise that knowing how to use a gun, having it on you and even using it will save your life or stop you from being hurt. It DOES give you a chance.

If a 200 pound man tries to hurt me on my own, I don't stand a chance. I am small, I am chubby and I am not very physically strong. I will most likely become a victim. With my firearm on my person; though, I stand on a much more even playing field. I walk a little taller. I have been trained to pay more attention to my surroundings. I almost always know of more than one way out of wherever I am. I take precautions. AND I have a firearm with a laser sight on it. I have more chances now than I did before. And if all else fails, if a predator still looks at me and sees a weakling, sees a victim, sees a target....I am trained to draw and fire. I pray that I don't ever have to. I learned that all of the other mindsets I have been taught help me to not appear the easy target. You can learn to appear stronger too!

You don't have to be a victim any longer. Even if you don't want anything to do with firearms, you can learn how to be strong, to have confidence and to make yourself less of a target to predators.  I love you. You can love you. You can value yourself again. You are worth protecting! You are a worthy and valuable human being. Your life is worth training. You can be your own hero. You are mine. You were a victim...but you survived. You can do this.

Take time. Learn to protect you. AND...if you don't have beliefs against it, even if you're afraid, find an instructor, take a class, learn to defend yourself. Heck, just try shooting a firearm with someone skilled enough to show you, you might just like it.

But at least do one thing for me? Please? Stop being a victim. Learn to love yourself again. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Love from a former victim,


  1. its beatiful!Thanks for sharing!

  2. Nice! And some of the best advice anyone could offer anyone!!
    ~A Social Worker....AND a gun owner!~

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  4. My iPad is goofy and doesn't let me fix errors sometimes. Anyway, very good post! As I was trying to say, I am sorry for whatever you went through. It's great that you are trying to help other people.

  5. I just took my CHL class, and the instructor talked about a study that was done interviewing violent inmates. About 90% of them said that they chose their victims because the victim appeared "weak" by the way they acted, carried themselves, spoke, etc.

    Years ago I was involved in law enforcement, and being a small female, I learned that I could sometimes diffuse situations by the way I acted, carried myself, talked, etc. I think we as women (and men too), can learn to carry ourselves and give an appearance of strength and self confidence, so that the predators go elsewhere....If the predators are stupid and choose to confront us, then we have the option of using deadly force if necessary.

    Thank you for your post. I appreciate your thoughts..

  6. thank you for this. As a woman shooter and instructor, I get lots and lots of questions and more and more, women view me a someone "safe" in which to spill their stories. Honestly... I never anticipated this. Reading this post has made me better equipped to deal with these situations.